Wednesday, February 22, 2006

malaise ennui and all that jazz

Today I miss my old philosophical buddies (Sartre, de Beauvior, Kierkegaard, Colette, Husserl and numerous others) of my bygone days as an Exstentialist. I think, deep within my heart of hearts, I may still harbor recdivist attitudes that smell of the sickness unto death, the hell that is other people syndrome, and the day the music died. I want to look at Van Gogh' sS Starry Night and pull out all the long buried angst and clear thigs out to make room for somethingekse, the something beyond existentiaism they called phenonmenomalism ( or did I jut make thatg up). I want to sig Ecclesiates, To Everything there is a season, and I want to look over the shoulder of Emily Dicckenson as she watches the blonde assaisin. I yearn tio read Jung and walk with the archetyps, reintegrating my soul and letting it find some sense of wholeness, but I doubt that will ever happen. Today I weant to be normal, to be like the rest of the world, to live the unexxamined ife and to s;picjl happily towards bethelehem and to take the undeserved punishment without complaint. They sy it is sad to outive yur childre. Today, I realized I[ve outlived my three closest male friends - John took his own life, Jose was robbed of his by drugs and a withering disase, and Mark died suddently of a heart attgack and here I am, alone again, as we all ultimately are, but it would be so nice to whine and blame something else, but no such opiates are availale. You can't always get what you want. I see I ,amaged to quote all the trite remarks of my generatgion, nope, there's one more from dear Mr. Lennon, Yesterday all y troubles seemed so far away, kept in a jar by Elenor Rigby's door. Is the moon full?

1 Comments:

Blogger artmixter said...

The first time I was stricken by depression, the psychiatrist said that much of it was existential angst. This was not the most helpful comment in the world... Recently, though, I discovered that there is a school of existentialist therapy. I cannot begin to imagine how it works... I think I'll stick with the Prozac.

3:36 AM  

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