Wednesday, March 08, 2006

process


All artists talk about their process or at least think about talking about it. What gets incorporated into the process? Everything, I think. e.g. fr the first time since I was diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease, thoughts of suicide (they'r not too serious at this point and probably wont be, but they have surfaced. so now I must face them). the highest suicide rate of this type is among men with parkinsons. How can one explain this. Imagine that you are looking out on a world that seems and looks the ssme as it always has but then stand outside yourself and see what others are seeing. To your horror, you discover that you no longer look familiar, your facial muscles dont work, when you talk, even your own mother can't understand you, and suddenly you see it in their eyes. They csan no longer face you, they pretend it isnt happenng and there you are, trappped inside a body that is no longer your own, and the UNBEARABLE LIGHTGNESS OF BEING closes in on you, and suicide , a word you couldnt spell before, comes up, then sinks away if you just let it pass. But the silence is hard, and difficult but you endure it and go on.

3 Comments:

Blogger artmixter said...

And yet, Vernon, you still are who you are. And you are still giving. And, hopefully, receiving too. And there is...perhaps not hope, but something positive in that. Take care of yourself. And keep making art.

1:19 AM  
Blogger Shirley Goodwin said...

Vernon, I opened your blog and drooled (again!) at the luscious colours of that photo. And then I read your words, which were so at variance with it. We cannot understand the difficulties you're facing with your illness, but do understand that what you are creating is giving pleasure to others. We don't want to lose that.

9:13 AM  
Blogger arashi said...

Shireley an Marion thank yu othl I just wanted to take a moment to "whine about things. Somethimes it helposl I am generally a positiver individual and yes, I am a olorist. i do art because I fin joy in color and deliht in hue. Thanks for the comments. he flow of luscious ill continu.

10:06 AM  

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